just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
