I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
