i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize