We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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