I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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