he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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