It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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