Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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