I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
