Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
