I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
