Can i not drive my cunt home
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
