I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
