my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
