I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
