Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
