I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
