Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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