oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
