I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
