She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
