go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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