he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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