I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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