She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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