do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
