I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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