I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
