Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
