U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
