So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
