honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I touched a dick in church today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
