no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
