fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
