Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize