no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
