Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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