I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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