He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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