I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
