I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
