I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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