Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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