who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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