Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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