1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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