So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
