God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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