I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
