watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have aggressive nipples.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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