i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We have started to decorate penises.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
