I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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