i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize