2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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