i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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