I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
