I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
