Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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