can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
