He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
