try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
