fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize