found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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