remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
