You're so nebulous sometimes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
