Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize