We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
