I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
