Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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