i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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