i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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