O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
