I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
