Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
