Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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