Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
