Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
