I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's blow job season.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
