i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
