He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
