ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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