Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
